I haven't blogged in a few days due to the fact that I slipped right back into my old ways. I don't know what happened and why I can't just stick to my plans. Its not that I don't really want to lose the weight. Sure seems that way though. Its amazing to me how I can want something so bad and yet not have the will power to follow through to get it. Is there a cure for this? I know some people say its no big deal just don't eat the bad foods. Of course everyone who has told me this is skinny. I am sure that as soon as I figure out how to do that with no problem then I will be thin as well. One of my biggest problems is that I want to eat healthier but everyone around me doesn't. Its hard to cook two different dinners at night. I find myself just eating what they are.
So here is too another start. I have to go shopping again to restock on healthy food so tomorrow morning is my kick off date. I have gotten a small journal to start keeping track of everything I eat, drink, my total calories, and daily exercise. I have found that for me if I don't write every little thing down then it is much easier for me to cheat as well as not consume the right amount of calories and water that I am aiming for. I will be doing weekly weigh-ins every Friday morning as well. To give myself a little added support I will be rewarding myself for every ten pounds that I lose. I haven't figured out exactly what each reward will be but it will not be food. I will be more along the lines of a pedicure or that body wrap that I have always wanted to try. I really think that I will be able to go further with the help of rewards.
Tomorrow is a new day and I know I can do this. Mind over matter, right? My goals can only be achieved with my help.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tackling another problem
I have decided to start working on the problem of my stretch marks as soon as possible. My sister bought me a bottle of Cosmetyn to try first. I am not sure how it will work. I know that you can order a one month free trial online at many different websites and after that it costs about $60. However they say you will see results within a couple of weeks time. My before and after pictures will help others to see how it works for me. If this one fails then I will move on to another. There are tons of creams out there. One of them has to work, right?
LOL testing begins tomorrow! I am excited and yet scared of failure at the same time.
LOL testing begins tomorrow! I am excited and yet scared of failure at the same time.
First day of the rest of my life.
Starting weight: 215.6 lbs.
Today went really well although its only the first one of many. Here is what I ate:
Breakfast: 2 90 cal. cereal bars
Lunch: Salad with light honey mustard dressing
Dinner: Another salad lol (I was actually craving it)
I drank as much water as I could remember along with a few glasses of Crystal Light. Which has 0 calories so I don't feel bad. I need to take up the water consumption by far and will start keeping track of my ounces tomorrow.
I didn't have any snacks today. I just wasn't hungry. I started taking Mega-T Green tea fat burning supplements as well. They are really inexpensive and work very very well at curbing appetite. Not everyone may agree with the use of diet pills but to me anything that helps me stay away from eating constantly is amazing. I caught myself reaching to grab a few of my kids cookies today, but thankfully I caught myself. It feels great to feel like I am starting to take control of my eating habits. I just hope that my will power stays this way.
I have a gym membership that I have not used in at least four months. The plan was to go today but I forgot I had previously made plans for the night. I will be going tomorrow though.
I was super busy today and forgot to take my before pictures. They will be posted tomorrow. I hope tomorrow goes even better than today! For anyone out there doing this along with me, remember the only one who can change our lives is ourselves.
Today went really well although its only the first one of many. Here is what I ate:
Breakfast: 2 90 cal. cereal bars
Lunch: Salad with light honey mustard dressing
Dinner: Another salad lol (I was actually craving it)
I drank as much water as I could remember along with a few glasses of Crystal Light. Which has 0 calories so I don't feel bad. I need to take up the water consumption by far and will start keeping track of my ounces tomorrow.
I didn't have any snacks today. I just wasn't hungry. I started taking Mega-T Green tea fat burning supplements as well. They are really inexpensive and work very very well at curbing appetite. Not everyone may agree with the use of diet pills but to me anything that helps me stay away from eating constantly is amazing. I caught myself reaching to grab a few of my kids cookies today, but thankfully I caught myself. It feels great to feel like I am starting to take control of my eating habits. I just hope that my will power stays this way.
I have a gym membership that I have not used in at least four months. The plan was to go today but I forgot I had previously made plans for the night. I will be going tomorrow though.
I was super busy today and forgot to take my before pictures. They will be posted tomorrow. I hope tomorrow goes even better than today! For anyone out there doing this along with me, remember the only one who can change our lives is ourselves.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Taking the bull by the horns and taking back my life.
Where do I start? I am twenty three years old, I have a beautiful little girl, two wonderful step children, an amazing husband, and live in one of the most beautiful states I have ever laid eyes on, Alaska. I am surrounded by everything that should make me happy yet, I am completely miserable. I am unhappy with myself and no matter how hard I try to prevent it, it spreads to all aspects of my life.
Lets go back to 2004. I was your average always on the go nineteen year old. I was very happy with my life. I felt comfortable in my own skin and my confidence just couldn't be stopped. At that time I weighed 130lbs. That December right before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. Even though I was so young I was excited.
The first four months went great except for having a super creepy doctor who seemed more interested in my personal life then my pregnancy. After that I started to just pack on weight. Sometimes up to twenty pounds in a month. My doctor said I must be eating all the wrong foods and way to much of them. He wouldn't listen when I told him I was eating what I was supposed to. At month eight I switched doctors.
First thing she did after looking over my chart was take my blood pressure. It was through the roof and had been for a while even though I was never informed of that fact. Then she had me do the blood test for gestational diabetes, which should have been performed months earlier. I guess my first doctor was to distracted to remember to give me a test that all women get early in pregnancy. Sure enough I had it. Which meant I should have been eating completely different the entire time and she told me that was the cause for the high weight gain. So with that combined with the hypertension it was bed rest for me the remaining time.
My daughter was born August 17th. I left the hospital weighing 215 lbs. An 85lb. weight gain that could have been far less if I had only known, one I have not been able to lose. For the longest time I blamed my first doctor for being unhappy with my weight. Maybe for a little while that was ok. My daughter will be four this August. Its time to stop blaming others and start taking the blame myself.
I have tried every diet I have come across to try and lose the weight. Like many other over weight people I know I have said "Oh they just don't work". Looking back at my attempts however I realize the failure is more on me. I give it my all at first, get some results but then slip back into my old ways of eating whatever I want. In all reality I can't blame anyone other than myself. Who else can change my life?
Of course I haven't thought like this for long or I would probably have already lost the weight. I have just had enough and I want my life back. I am not saying that you can't have a life if you are over weight. But in my case I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I can't wear the clothes that I want, I am not able to keep up with my kids from lack of energy, physical activities with the family such as hiking are almost impossible for me, and I feel uncomfortable going out and dancing or having fun because I don't want anyone to see me. My blood pressure still boarders hypertension and I am told lose weight or go one pills. At twenty three I shouldn't be faced with that option.
Probably one of the biggest problems is my marriage. No its not that my husband says he wants me to lose weight or that I disgust him. He says I am beautiful and he loves me just the way I am. It's me. In being unhappy with myself I have pushed him away. I can't understand why it doesn't bother him the way it does me. The physical part of our relationship has almost completely disappeared because I do not want to ever be undressed. I want this back. I want to be happy enough with myself to enjoy our life together.
Do I think that losing the weight will instantly make me happy again? No, I am not naive. I know that my depression is more than likely rooted deeper than that. But to me since my weight is the biggest problem that I have with my self image, then its a good place to start. I don't know that I will ever see 130 lbs. again and its not about that. As long as I can look at myself and be comfortable again then I don't care what my weight is.
This blog is my attempt to do this myself. Taking all that I have learned about losing weight and putting it to use. I will be blogging daily with how it is going and what I have ate. I'll post pictures of my progress to share with everyone. By blogging I feel that I have something to answer to and hope it will keep my efforts strong. Maybe someone will be able to reach their weight loss goals by reading this as well.
I will be tackling other aspects of my life and appearance as well during this experiment and sharing the results received and by which products. Thanks to my beautiful little girl I have a lot of stretch marks, or as I like to call them battle strips. Which I want removed. This will be one of the first of many other things on my list. So if anything maybe I can find that one removal cream that actually works and be able to help others that way.
I am starting it all tomorrow. July 28th. I look forward to hearing from everyone and seeing what results I can achieve. All I have to remember is that I CAN do this!
Lets go back to 2004. I was your average always on the go nineteen year old. I was very happy with my life. I felt comfortable in my own skin and my confidence just couldn't be stopped. At that time I weighed 130lbs. That December right before Christmas I found out I was pregnant. Even though I was so young I was excited.
The first four months went great except for having a super creepy doctor who seemed more interested in my personal life then my pregnancy. After that I started to just pack on weight. Sometimes up to twenty pounds in a month. My doctor said I must be eating all the wrong foods and way to much of them. He wouldn't listen when I told him I was eating what I was supposed to. At month eight I switched doctors.
First thing she did after looking over my chart was take my blood pressure. It was through the roof and had been for a while even though I was never informed of that fact. Then she had me do the blood test for gestational diabetes, which should have been performed months earlier. I guess my first doctor was to distracted to remember to give me a test that all women get early in pregnancy. Sure enough I had it. Which meant I should have been eating completely different the entire time and she told me that was the cause for the high weight gain. So with that combined with the hypertension it was bed rest for me the remaining time.
My daughter was born August 17th. I left the hospital weighing 215 lbs. An 85lb. weight gain that could have been far less if I had only known, one I have not been able to lose. For the longest time I blamed my first doctor for being unhappy with my weight. Maybe for a little while that was ok. My daughter will be four this August. Its time to stop blaming others and start taking the blame myself.
I have tried every diet I have come across to try and lose the weight. Like many other over weight people I know I have said "Oh they just don't work". Looking back at my attempts however I realize the failure is more on me. I give it my all at first, get some results but then slip back into my old ways of eating whatever I want. In all reality I can't blame anyone other than myself. Who else can change my life?
Of course I haven't thought like this for long or I would probably have already lost the weight. I have just had enough and I want my life back. I am not saying that you can't have a life if you are over weight. But in my case I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I can't wear the clothes that I want, I am not able to keep up with my kids from lack of energy, physical activities with the family such as hiking are almost impossible for me, and I feel uncomfortable going out and dancing or having fun because I don't want anyone to see me. My blood pressure still boarders hypertension and I am told lose weight or go one pills. At twenty three I shouldn't be faced with that option.
Probably one of the biggest problems is my marriage. No its not that my husband says he wants me to lose weight or that I disgust him. He says I am beautiful and he loves me just the way I am. It's me. In being unhappy with myself I have pushed him away. I can't understand why it doesn't bother him the way it does me. The physical part of our relationship has almost completely disappeared because I do not want to ever be undressed. I want this back. I want to be happy enough with myself to enjoy our life together.
Do I think that losing the weight will instantly make me happy again? No, I am not naive. I know that my depression is more than likely rooted deeper than that. But to me since my weight is the biggest problem that I have with my self image, then its a good place to start. I don't know that I will ever see 130 lbs. again and its not about that. As long as I can look at myself and be comfortable again then I don't care what my weight is.
This blog is my attempt to do this myself. Taking all that I have learned about losing weight and putting it to use. I will be blogging daily with how it is going and what I have ate. I'll post pictures of my progress to share with everyone. By blogging I feel that I have something to answer to and hope it will keep my efforts strong. Maybe someone will be able to reach their weight loss goals by reading this as well.
I will be tackling other aspects of my life and appearance as well during this experiment and sharing the results received and by which products. Thanks to my beautiful little girl I have a lot of stretch marks, or as I like to call them battle strips. Which I want removed. This will be one of the first of many other things on my list. So if anything maybe I can find that one removal cream that actually works and be able to help others that way.
I am starting it all tomorrow. July 28th. I look forward to hearing from everyone and seeing what results I can achieve. All I have to remember is that I CAN do this!
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